Jokes for your favorite )

- Rabinovich, a crisis at all, and you, judging by the boats and the islands have become one.
of the richest people in the world? .
- Yes, it's not me. It is my great-grandfather in 1909 in Illinois, in.
bookmaker for the last 10 cents, bought a ticket.
1:100000000000000 that the Negro, in the next 100 years, will become President.
USA.

- What do you know of outstanding provocateurs?.
- Only one.
- Well, tell me.
- Music by Mendelssohn.
- God, why?.
- For the millions of fools, he wrote a delicate and enticing ' Wedding.
march ', and the. lifelong bachelor, he lived quietly.

If a night you never called them impudent, in the morning you need.
call a goat!.

Little girl was given a turtle. Joy was not a girl.
the end of the day and she played with her. The next morning the girl with the.
turtle in his hand, blubbered resorted to the kitchen to her mother and says,.
that the turtle died. Mom:.
- Oh, docha, you tortured her at all. Well do not worry, we'll put the bug.
in a cardboard box, bury in the yard, put flowers to the grave,.
buy Coca -Cola, a big cake, we will invite your friends and arrange lush.
funeral. (at the time the turtle stuck his head out of the shell ). hey,.
a daughter, so it is alive after all. !?.
Daughter of joy:.
- Oh, I can strangle it. !?.

Only in our country there is a phrase ' illegal armed formations '.

When officials plunder faster than the nation produces, they say,.
that people can not work.


What is the difference between the intelligentsia, workers and the cop?.
- Work washes his hands before the Scriptures, after the intellectual and the cop at the time.
What is the difference between the machine and the bride?.
- If you fuck your car, you will notice it right away!.
The difference between a blonde and a Ferrari?.
- Friends of Ferrari does not lend!.

The store man timidly turns to the woman:.
- Sorry, you do not tell to what department of the store.
would you go if you had a thousand rubles?.
- The Beauty.
- Oh, thank you very much! .

A letter from a friend in the army: ' Here we are taught to remove the snow and boil potatoes.
So if an enemy attack - we cleanse his way, and prepare to eat '.

The new system of ' sustainable transport ' - the exhaust pipe.
bred in the interior.

A young wife - her husband, angrily:.
- Elevator broken! .
year-old boy in the other - stroller and a bag of food. And you tell me.
does not help!.
- As I told you not help? .

A drunken man walks into the trash on the street. Suddenly, right at him from the gate.
three-headed flies, desyatilapoe, tysyachezuboe incredible monster.
deformities, with a clear desire to devour the poor fellow. The monster opened his mouth all,.
spread out all legs, baring his teeth and hung on the guy.
The man lifted his head, stared at the monster, and spoke, Braiding language:.
- A go -ka are you on x. First to my Spielberg!.

spring is here. At the railway sidings swelling.

- Daddy, why do women painted and watered spirits?.
- Well, how do you explain. Take for example a trap for cockroaches.

Blonde resorted to the doctor:.
B: - Doctor, help! .
A: - right, right now namazhem ointment.
B: - But how do you catch it? .
A: - No, namazhu the place where he'll bite.
B: - ahhh. It was in the park on a bench under a tree.
D: - This is an idiot! .
all goes.
B: - Well, would say, Doctor! . God, how.
it hurts!.
D ( beats his fist on his forehead ): - What is it?!?.
B: ( innocently ): - How do I know? .



At one hotel a couple of newlyweds arrived to spend it honey.
month. Closer to the night room door swings open and a naked young woman.
tears ran out into the corridor. Porter throws his coat on it and.
soothing:.
- Do not cry because. Tell me what happened?.
- This is terrible! .
inflates his chest and said: ' Honey, this 75 kilograms.
Dynamite! '.
- Probably, this is the case.
- But I was never able to find a fuse!.

- Well, - the world?.
- Yes we are Well, sort of, and do not quarrel.
- Then we get!. And now - the world?!.

Post before you turn off your computer:.
' Your wife's name is Natasha, Julia Child and Pavlik. Do you still want to get out of.
Windows? '.

Life - it's not the days that have passed, and those who remember.

A conversation with users by phone:.
- Move the pointer to the object and press the right mouse button.
- And I do not have a button! .
- Rotate the mouse clockwise by 90 degrees.
- Oh! .

Two girls in a crowded elevator.
One (whispering ):.
- Who is behind me?.
- A young guy.
- As a young, feel. Tell me, though cute?.

In boxing champion interview. He responds, as expected,.
slowly over every answer for a long time thinking.

- That if you go at night to their entrance, and there is dark and you will.
bully. What do you do?.
- Well. I am a right hook to the head - he falls.
- And if the bully 2?.
- Well. I have first right hook to the head - the first fall.
Second from bottom in the body - the second incident.
- And if the three bully?.
- Well. I have first right hook to the head - the first fall.
Second from bottom in the body - the second incident.
- And the third?.
- Third? . third is my birthday.



Phrases that men like to hear:.

- Sorry, I was wrong!.
- Do not worry, I can cope with all three: I have a black belt in karate.
- Honey, you sure have drank enough?.
- I do not talk too much?.
- I will go in FIG!.
- I decided to go home today, bare.
- We are your friends have prepared a little surprise. Girls.
undress!.
- My sister wants to stay with us. You do not mind if she lies to the.
us?.
- I briefly outside the house to whitewash.
- What can I do this to make amends?.
- To parents I will go myself, but you still go down to the strip with your friends.
- Should not you are sitting with friends in a pub?.
- I was so excited when you're drunk.
- Tonight, I need only shameless, depraved sex.
- Listen, I make a good. Why do you work? .
Play Poker.

He was so unlucky man that when he got an apiary, all.
was allergic to bee pollen.

Comes to a grateful patient and surgeon with the words of recognition takes.
from the package and puts it on the table Armenian cognac, French champagne,.
caviar, salmon, etc. Dr.. Doctor:.
- Look, who gave you the right to manage my money?.

13 -year-old schoolboy Bob Ivanov found in the table with his father five tablets.
Viagra, which took into. Later the boy was taken to.
hospital with burns palms third degree.

One man predicted that he would die as a result of some.
dispute. Since that time he became a warning to all, courteous,.
compliant. But one day he fell ill, and he was going to bed.
medical consultation. After seeing doctors, the patient whispered:.
- That's when the prediction comes true!.

Fell into distinct groups Tupisticheskaya puki local dikapyam. All with anger.
Manager of distinct groups look askance at.
- You do not worry, gentlemen - that soothes. - They mipnye. Zpya one.
there will not be. Ponasiluyut women, peasants, and the fingers pootpubayut.
released.
- Why do your fingers otpubayut? .
- What hapaktepno, about the rape had not occurred vopposov.

- Darling, let's meet at 5:00.
- Okay, but when you come?.

- Honey, I like the perfect woman?.
- What are you! .
- And how much?.
- A 50 kilogram.

The smith with the tongs hold a red-hot horseshoe.
- God, what it is hot! .
- Oh no! . - Give the top ten, so I 'll lick her tongue.
- Yes you will! .
Ho in anticipation of the unusual spectacle of ten handed smith.
Blacksmith licked the top ten and put it in his pocket.

Suits such as a new son to pysskogo ottsy:.
- Dad, you promised to give me eleven dollapov when I polychy to.
five mathematics.
- Hy.
- Hy 's: I pozavchepa polychil two vchepa - two today - count, total.
five.
- Here's a dollap and one more - a total of eleven.

During the chase the two Estonians - and even have time to catch the third.

Mary loved to sing. ee record was 40 to sing in a month.

English businessman diktyet sekpetapshe letter:.
- Dopogoy sep! .
her what about you dymayu. Moreover, I poskolky gentleman, I do not have.
p.pavoy even dymat about you so. Ho since you are neither the one nor the.
dpygim, I hope you understand me The correct.

Everyone says that alcohol does not solve the problem. You would think that the water.
or milk to decide.

It put - this is when you take the phone from a friend to call his.
girl, dial the number, you harvest a challenge, but he has displayed on the screen:.
' Kitty '.